Sacrifices Claimed by Victory

Tear drops splatter on the ground like rain. There is nothing left for the universe to see, to show that we were ever here.

~x~x~x~x~

You said that you would show me the way, that you would protect my heart, but then you turned aside when I stumbled. Turned aside and left me to die. I didn't die, I survived to conquer the Republic that had meant more to you than me. I crushed your illusions, destroyed everything you loved. Anything to make you feel the pain you have put me through. A million miles and one lost soul later, you return for me.

"Why now?" I scream my anger, oh, how it has grown in these years! I cannot control my darkness, I can only curse you for sending me here. "Why care now? You left me alone when I stumbled; why didn't you stay to keep me from falling?"

I ignite my saber and swing with all my strength. You barely block in time. Across the land, across the years we fight; every accusation as deadly as the blade I hold in my hands. Like dancers, our feet seem not to touch the floor as the glow of our sabers cast ominous shadows on the walls. Surprised at my power, you seem unaware of your precarious position.

"Yes " screams my apprentice. "Destroy him, Master! Destroy him with all the power your anger has given you." I falter. I don't want to destroy you, only to make you feel the way I have felt for three years. You look at me, and for the first time I see compassion in your eyes.

"Revan," your whispered voice is like silk, "this isn't you. You are not what you have become." I see myself through your eyes: empty, dark, evil.

"No!" cries my apprentice. She feels her hold slipping. "You belong to the dark side! You belong to me!" I hear her voice, and the shadows fall away. Truth pours in like a waterfall. Raising my lightsaber, I leap towards you... and over you, to land next to her. Shocked, she looks down at the beam of energy protruding from her chest. The precipice behind her nears, as both our feet stumble to the edge. Your voice shouts out a warning, but already it's too late. She pulls my saber from her chest and plunges it into my heart. We both fall – my apprentice into the ravine, and I back to the ground.

In a second you stand over me, pulling the blade of fire from my body. All of my anger is gone, all of the hatred and darkness that filled me is dead. I will not linger long after it.

"Too late. Again too late " Your words are slurred by your tears. Cradling me in your arms, you try to rise, but you are still too weak.

"No." I whisper. I feel my life ebbing away. My fault. All of this mess is my fault. "Not too late. You have saved me, for now and always." Bile burns my throat, and I struggle to swallow it back down. "Why did you leave me?" You know I am no longer angry, but I have wondered so long that I need to know your answer. You bow your head, like you are ashamed. I want you to speak before I go.

"I was scared." There is no deceit in your voice, but how can this be true? "When you stumbled, I didn't think I could help you. I left you where I thought you would be safe, and then I went for help. By the time I returned with the others, you were gone." My mind returns to three years before this moment. I see myself standing on the Temple summit, listening as Bastila destroy all my illusions. We could never be together she said, the Jedi would never let us be together, and I couldn't live without you. If I had to suffer then the galaxy had to suffer with me.

A dark veil falls across my eyes, and you hug me tight, trying to hold onto my soul. I am not sad, I am a luminous being. I begin to feel myself drift. "Carth," I haven't spoken these words in three years. "Carth, I love you." Your tears fall on my face. I can't hold on much longer.

"I love you, Revan. May the Force be with you."

"It already is." I let go of the pain, of this prison that has held me for so long, and enter the light.

~x~x~x~x~

I lay your body back upon the soil; it is no more than an empty husk. Three years, I searched the universe to find you. To save you. And now I lose you.

I feel numb as I gather the wood to build your pyre. My partner for such a short time, my true love for eternity. You are so light as I life you to the stack. So beautiful, so peaceful.

Flames engulf the crude matter that held my precious jewel. I do not think I can go on. First Morgana, now you. The sacrifices claimed by victory.

I stay here until there is nothing left of you but memories. Nothing remains for me here, or anywhere. Still I must go on.

~x~x~x~x~

My ashes are spread by the wind.

My footprints are elongated by sorrow and pain.

Tear drops splatter on the ground like rain. There is nothing left for the universe to see, to show that we were ever here.